Keep On Sinnin'

“The only reason you want to be an atheist is so you can continue to live a sinful lifestyle!” 

I’ve heard this a lot before. I guess I never really thought about it. I always thought they were talking about lying or stealing. I was never much for theft, and I gave up lying with religion, so I thought the statement was absurd. Besides, it wasn’t like believers don’t sin; their lifestyle was as sinful as mine. So why do they shout this accusation? And why is it said with such venom? I think I have the answer.

Well, first, it’s not lying and stealing. They are referring to what believers call “sexual sin”. This means we are going to continue to enjoy sex, have sex outside marriage, masturbate, and fantasize. We are going to look at pornography and like it. We are going to use sex toys and lubrication. We will use positions other than the missionary position. And we will like it. We will even teach our children comprehensive sex education, where they will learn such activity is normal, fun, and sin-free. Of course, we will also teach our children about condoms and birth control, and encourage them to experiment safely.

I know what you’re thinking, “Andrew, where’s the sin?” Well, I don’t see any. And that’s the problem. You see, the believer can do all these things and then become overwhelmed with grief and guilt. The believer has been taught that this is all an abomination to god, and they have disobeyed god’s order for sex. They must be cleansed; they have soiled their souls. They have lost their precious purity. 

The believer thinks it is normal to have such feelings if guilt and grief after having an orgasm. When they encounter people like me who grin after ejaculation instead of running off to pray for forgiveness, they feel angry, jilted, and frustrated. How come I get to have all kinds of fun and they can’t? Aren’t they supposed to be better than me? Why doesn’t it feel that way on the bedroom?

You see, I’ve grown up. I no longer blush and giggle when someone says “penis” or “vagina”. I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about sex, orgasms, condoms or the fact I like them. And I’ve realized that these things are natural, good, and in no way sinful. I understand that this can be a source of great happiness and fulfillment, rather than the abysmal source of shame and guilt it used to be. 

Now I’d like to say that I reject god simply so I could masturbate without Jesus, and his mother, and his father watching me. I’d think it was funny if I embraced atheism in order to gain a free pass to porn. But this is not the case. It is simply a bonus. 

I find the existence of god to be nothing more than a fairy tale. Now that I’m a grown up, I discard fairy tales in favor of erotica.