My Way or the Highway

Alice: “I seem to have lost my way.”
The Red Queen:  “YOUR way?!  ALWAYS MY WAY!”

There was a dude on the Christian radio trying to explain why teens should remain Christian, even if they have questions about their faith.  We came to what the defender described as the biggest deal-breaker for most young people.  “What does God do to those people who have never heard the Gospel of Jesus, and what did he do with the people who live before Jesus came around?”  Interesting question.

Like I said, the guy answering this question admitted that this was a big deal for most people.  He said that most every teen he encountered asked this question in one way or another.  He realized the importance of this answer.  This was it:  “I don’t know.  If God sent them to hell, that doesn’t seem fair, but if he let them into heaven then Jesus is NOT the only way to heaven, and we KNOW that Jesus IS the ONLY way to heaven.  We know God will do what is right, but we don’t know what that is.”  WTF?

Seriously, What The FUCK?  So you understand that this is an important answer, and all you have is I don’t know?  How is that an answer?  God will do what is right, but we can’t know what that is?  Aren’t you the asshats who try to sell that “objective moral standards come from God” bullshit?  How is the answer to this I don’t know?  But wait.  It got better.

Answerman went on to say that we should not criticize God for giving us only one way to please him.  Instead, we should rejoice that he gave us A way.  We should not concern ourselves with those who have not heard the Word, but rejoice that we have.  Jesus is the Way, and you can take it, or the highway.

You’d think that after identifying a deal-breaking question, you’d have a good answer for it.  This is the same crap I heard when I asked this question years ago.  Seriously, do these morons actually think this is a good answer?  God says my way or the highway, unless you’ve never heard of my way, then maybe.  You get to guess.

God is supposed to be able to do the right thing all the time.  But it is still evident to me he blunders and stumbles through it just as we do.  Perhaps if we all simply admit that the quantities of god reflect those qualities we see in ourselves, perhaps we can all find the right thing to do, and realize there is more than one way to be a good person.  God isn’t here; we are.

Keep On Sinnin'

“The only reason you want to be an atheist is so you can continue to live a sinful lifestyle!” 

I’ve heard this a lot before. I guess I never really thought about it. I always thought they were talking about lying or stealing. I was never much for theft, and I gave up lying with religion, so I thought the statement was absurd. Besides, it wasn’t like believers don’t sin; their lifestyle was as sinful as mine. So why do they shout this accusation? And why is it said with such venom? I think I have the answer.

Well, first, it’s not lying and stealing. They are referring to what believers call “sexual sin”. This means we are going to continue to enjoy sex, have sex outside marriage, masturbate, and fantasize. We are going to look at pornography and like it. We are going to use sex toys and lubrication. We will use positions other than the missionary position. And we will like it. We will even teach our children comprehensive sex education, where they will learn such activity is normal, fun, and sin-free. Of course, we will also teach our children about condoms and birth control, and encourage them to experiment safely.

I know what you’re thinking, “Andrew, where’s the sin?” Well, I don’t see any. And that’s the problem. You see, the believer can do all these things and then become overwhelmed with grief and guilt. The believer has been taught that this is all an abomination to god, and they have disobeyed god’s order for sex. They must be cleansed; they have soiled their souls. They have lost their precious purity. 

The believer thinks it is normal to have such feelings if guilt and grief after having an orgasm. When they encounter people like me who grin after ejaculation instead of running off to pray for forgiveness, they feel angry, jilted, and frustrated. How come I get to have all kinds of fun and they can’t? Aren’t they supposed to be better than me? Why doesn’t it feel that way on the bedroom?

You see, I’ve grown up. I no longer blush and giggle when someone says “penis” or “vagina”. I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about sex, orgasms, condoms or the fact I like them. And I’ve realized that these things are natural, good, and in no way sinful. I understand that this can be a source of great happiness and fulfillment, rather than the abysmal source of shame and guilt it used to be. 

Now I’d like to say that I reject god simply so I could masturbate without Jesus, and his mother, and his father watching me. I’d think it was funny if I embraced atheism in order to gain a free pass to porn. But this is not the case. It is simply a bonus. 

I find the existence of god to be nothing more than a fairy tale. Now that I’m a grown up, I discard fairy tales in favor of erotica.